You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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