it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
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