I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
She's not a foreskin expert like you
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Randomize
