Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
