i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
