Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
