Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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