i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
