he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize