If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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