Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
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