fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
