I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize