she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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