why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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