my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
