There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Just high enough for therapy.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Randomize
