State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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