I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
