I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
The Olympian is in my bed
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
