I like my sex mixed with concussions.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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