I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
either way he was missing a nipple.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
