i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
