You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
