What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
