I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
