you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize