No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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