Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
