You don't have asthma, your pregnant
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Randomize
