ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
