and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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