well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
