Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
