How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
