well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
