yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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