Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize