I think im going to throw up on grandma
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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