i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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