I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
