if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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