Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
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