I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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