Do vagina's smell?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Randomize
