fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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