I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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