u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize
