I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
