I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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