yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
