I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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