What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
