i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
