Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
