maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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