Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I AM VODKA MAN
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
