I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
