oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
