now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
