I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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