Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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