is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I'm at about main and main street
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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