he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
