I think scott just propositioned me for sex
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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