how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
