It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
