So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
