I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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