The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
