I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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