when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
