He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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