Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
